Battling Food FOMO & the Shoulds in Italy
On not eating all the pasta. Plus, a 'Shallow' cover, SORRY, and more!
Most of my overthinking this past week centered around the pasta, pizza, and maritozzo I didn’t get to eat in Italy. The struggle to fit it all in was real and I didn’t have the time, the budget, or the appetite to make it to All The Places. The shame I felt for this is embarrassing to admit. Like, god forbid I don’t eat tortellini en brodo in Bologna or cacio e pepe in Rome!
In fact, there I was, en route to the train in Bologna, so bummed about not having eaten its popular local pasta (for a variety of sensible reasons that are not worth going into), I bought some fresh tortellini from a deli across from the station. They now sit on the middle shelf of my refrigerator in Paris waiting for me to a) feel ready to eat pasta again and b) learn how to make the brodo.
Somewhere along the way from being a 21-year-old backpacker without a clue, to a 45-year-old journalist with all the clues (and opinions! and expectations!), I lost my ability to see what spontaneity serves up.
The gratification I felt for making it to the gelato place one friend recommended and the café another suggested was staggeringly high. But why? For what? An 8€ sundae someone else declared “the best” and a bitter macchiato that was tossed at me without so much as a smile? Sure, I trust both of these friends’ tastes immensely. And the spots felt like institutions worthy of discovering. But devoid of context, or any sort of personal connection or explanation, they also just felt like shoulds. And I am forever battling the “shoulds.” I want to shake off this armor in favor of more chance encounters with “what ifs” and “maybes,” which may nourish me all the same—if not more.
I hesitate to even admit any of this given so many of you come to me for recommendations! You trust me for my suggestions and my taste. I built a following and brand around the idea of OVERTHINKING things, after all. I encourage you to plan and heed my advice. But while structure and encouragement are definitely worthy—and in many cases necessary—so is trusting oneself.
Guidance = good. Self-inflicted pressure = bad.
It’s also why I try so hard (to no avail) to convince editors NOT to use the word “best” on lists. But people only want THE BEST, whatever that means, or even is, to a gazillion of us with varying preferences, needs, and desires—myself included.
I think, as with most of these silly conundrums, it comes down to time and so often feeling like there’s not enough of it. Must make the most of every hour! Every minute! Every meal! But this scarcity mindset is a bit irrational and will infringe on, well, one’s sanity. The goal for 2024, which, let’s be honest, was also the goal for ’23, ’22, ’21… is to shake off the shoulds and not let the ticking clock muddle moments of impromptu joy.
It took me a few days to succumb to this concept, but by my last night in Rome, when I was too full from pizza at aperitivo to think about dinner at the fairly expensive restaurant I’d booked based on a rec, I decided to cancel the reservation and go for an evening walk instead. Simple. Free. Perfecto. Rome wasn’t built in a day—or even three. No one can or “should” be expected to eat/drink/see/do it all in that time either. (Or ever!)
Meanwhile, do you know what ended up being one of my favorite meals “in Italy”? The one I ate back in Paris this week, featuring some mortadella and Parmesan I purchased in Bologna along with a ton of fresh produce I bought at the grocery store upon my return. Without intending to, I had gathered all the ingredients for exactly what I wanted at that moment: a fresh “chef’s” salad that featured the flavors of where I’d been with the comfort of where I am. No mastermind planning, FOMO, or overthinking. 10/10 recommend. Bon week-end, friends. — Sara
Clickable
Aging and accepting one’s mind and body as a result. | WaPo
How half-baked is the Half-Baked Harvest founder? | The NY Times
Why sticking with something results in big rewards. | Quartz
The secret to online dating: “Marie Kondo these guys.” | Gloria
People are sending their remains to space. Would you? | The NY Times
The secret to success for “cult grocer” Erewhon. | The Cut
A life without nature is a (proven) lonely life. | The Atlantic
Listenable
There are many articles, TikToks, and protest signs out there vying for our attention and encouraging us to choose “sides.” For me, though, podcasts have been the greatest sources of realization and education. Many, like this important one from philosopher, neuroscientist, and author Sam Harris, are less politically charged than they are morally minded and worth your ear.
Watchable
Take that Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga! “Ted Lasso” stars Jason Sudeikis and Hannah Waddingham give the Star is Born actors a run for their millions with a cover of “Shallow” at a fundraiser for the Steps of Faith Foundation, which benefits amputees. Damn, Waddingham can sing!
Speaking of singing, Beyonce is putting out a film version of her Renaissance world tour just like Taylor did. (I wonder if Tay Tay will accompany her to the premiere as Bey did for her.) From the looks of the trailer, it may be more than just a big-screen version of the concert. Either way, I am definitely ready to release the wiggle in theaters. BREAK MY SOUL, BEY!
Currently Overthinking…
…see intro. But also: departure dates, LinkedIn posts…
Souvenir: SORRY!
I went over to my friend Jess’s house for Game Night recently (so fun! must to do this more often!) and we played a new-to-me game called Tok (or Toc). Only about halfway into learning it did I realize it’s essentially not so new-to-me: It’s the game Sorry! which I used to play as a kid. The details were fuzzy, but I definitely remembered the colors, the zones, and getting to send opposing players back to the start henceforth provoking the word SORRY! I’m not sure why this version is called Tok (or Toc), but I did like it and appreciated flexing my brain’s strategic muscles in such a way.
I feel this HARD. There's so much pressure to do/see/hear ALL THE THINGS but also ALL THE BEST THINGS. Traveling (and watching TV and listening to music and going to the movies) begins to feel like a game, where we're trying to reach some higher level, always, and for what? But it's so difficult to get out of this pattern. Anyway, I hope you enjoy your pasta!
I love this (particularly as someone who gave you lots of Rome recommendations) “the best” is something I have been thinking about. A lot. I think I have 3 different essays in my drafts folder) Sometimes the best is an ok coffee at the train station, or the gelateria with a bathroom & a place to sit. (you already know how to make brodo. I have seen you make it! It just chicken broth 😉)