Enough is Enough

10 years of freelancing. Plus, crushing on Josh Radnor and Brett Goldstein.

Snagged a new headshot following a photo shoot in London 10 years ago, weeks before I went freelance.

Ten years. Yesterday marked a decade since I gave two weeks’ notice from London, got kicked out of company housing, and became my own boss to venture into the world of freelance writing. (Don’t know that story? Buy the book. When it’s sold to a publisher…eventually. :) Of course, just as I reach this milestone, I want to change it up again! Funny how that happens, right? But shit. It took 10 years. Ten years for editors to remember I live in Paris. To think of me for certain stories because of my location or, hopefully, my writing. Ten years for publicists to stop pitching me entertainment stories. To stop inviting me to events or openings back in NY. And yet I am still not where I’d like to be—where I hoped I would be—professionally, and certainly not financially, at 44. I am grateful for the freedom and the flexibility of not having to be in an office, at a certain time, and put in for vacation days and sick days, and eat Sad Desk Salads in front of a computer while Slack alerts go off incessantly. I certainly wouldn’t be in Paris, by which I mean San Francisco (right now), if I hadn’t given all that up a decade ago.

But I still want more. And maybe different. Or both?

Why does that feel so icky to admit? Probably because when I tell people what I do for a living, they think I’ve got it made. “The best job ever.” But I’m just scraping by, to be honest. Still dipping into savings to pay rent. (The fact that I finally have savings is a miracle.) Even 10 years later, just saying, “I’m a travel writer” feels fraudulent. Technically it’s true. I write about travel. But I’m still not the type of travel writer I aspire to be. At least not fully. And I’m certainly not making enough money off of being one to feel confident declaring it as my profession.

There’s nothing like staying in a hotel to write up a short piece that pays you less than the nightly rate. Sure, I get to stay for free; a mere 18 hours from check-in to check-out during which I am often running around taking tours, doing interviews, etc. The stuff you don’t see behind the Instagram post. But I think I’d prefer to afford to wear the plush bathrobes as a legit guest; to enjoy the infinity pool without worrying about whether I jotted down the color of the carpets in the lobby and how much they charge for the water in the minibar. (And whether the $10 bottle I drank was included in my invitation.) Also, I don’t want to write hotel blurbs or restaurant guides anymore. To be honest, I never really did? The first handful was fun, I guess. But I’ve always really wanted to write lengthier features and narratives. To tell stories. Set scenes. Evoke emotion. Share lessons. Unfortunately for me, the competition for such enviable assignments continues to be fierce even when much of what anyone reads now are lists anyway. (To wit: You still here?)

Despite how uncomfortable it feels to want more, or different, I also know it’s completely normal to seek a shift and aim for growth. After all, actors become directors all the time. Musicians become composers. Footballers become coaches. Cooks become judges on reality TV series. I mean, Drew Barrymore now has a talk show, Reese Witherspoon turns books into TV series, and Gwyneth Paltrow sells jade vagina eggs! (Am I really comparing myself to these famous women??? Oof. No wonder I’ve got high expectations for myself.)

But also, stars they’re just like us, right? Yesterday I received a newsletter from a famous actor I admire about his own feelings of inadequacy as it relates to a bit part he once played on a little-known show called “How I Met Your Mother.” (Spoiler alert: It’s Josh Radnor, aka Ted Mosby, and his infrequent “museletters” are excellent. Join Substack, Josh! Also: Wanna date?) In brief, he wrote that despite the show ending years ago, he continues to only be associated by, and revered for, this role that “changed his life,” but also does not define him. He too wanted more, so he moved on, but when trying to dissociate himself from his past he’s been “charged with ingratitude or accused of spoiling a thing people love dearly.”

He wrote:

What I’m doing and working on now will always feel more interesting and vital than something I worked on years ago, if only due to the fact that it’s happening right now.

Yes! What Josh—not Ted—said!

I don’t want to have a serious case of Not Enoughness, but I do. I often say or think: The story wasn’t me-enough. The piece wasn’t long-enough. The article didn’t pay enough. Yet, while I have an idea of what would be ENOUGH—a book deal, regular writing gigs, a column at The Cut, maybe a staff editor job at The New Yorker or The Atlantic or New York Magazine—10 years from now that may change again. After all, 10 years ago just getting a byline in The Times was enough. And then it was AFAR. And then The Cut. We reach and we reach and we reach. We pull and we pull and we pull. But when does what we reach for, and what we’re pulling on, ever become ENOUGH?

Just last week during Passover seder, many Jews sang the song Dayenu, which literally translates to: “It would have been enough.”

If He had split the sea for us,

and had not taken us through it on dry land

— Dayenu, it would have been enough!

If He had taken us through the sea on dry land,

and had not drowned our oppressors in it

— Dayenu, it would have been enough!

On and on it goes in an attempt to make us pause and be thankful for what we DO have versus what we’ve yet to attain; what comes next.

Again, I take comfort in knowing that it may be common to strive and be bold as all hell and that the yucky, no-good feelings that often come with ambition—insecurity and greed and why-not-me-ness—are also universal. But it’s still a pill to swallow. So in the spirit of Dayenu, this week I’m gulping down ENOUGH instead. Like Josh, “instead of reciting a list of grievances,” I’m going to applaud myself for being brave enough to have gotten this far and accomplished these goals. For being fortunate enough to still be able to seek out the new and continue to search for more. Answers, questions, security, stability, contentment, freedom, recognition, and everything in between. With that, I present:

My 10 Favorite *Published Pieces of Writing Since I Went Freelance 10 Years Ago—and What I Got Paid for Them

Editor’s Note: I chose one per outlet, otherwise my favorites would likely all come from AFAR and T&L. The asterisk is there because I’ve written a lot of great work that I have yet to publish. Most of these pieces stem from 2017 and beyond, so four years after going freelance, when I got into a groove and set a minimum rate for general stories or essays (that has now been raised because #growth and #worth): nothing less than $300. Even if I were writing one a day at that rate—and I’m not—it still wouldn’t be… I won’t say it. But you get my point. :) I’m also including brief timelines of when I pitched vs. when the stories were published to give you a snippet of how it all takes shape, and am disclosing rates to be transparent about how arbitrary compensation is for journalism today. (See also: the Esquire story in the Clickable section.)

1. The Man Who Swam the Seine, GQ - My first ‘long form’ though it’s not really that long. In fact, I could’ve gone even deeper, but I’m still proud of this piece on the son of the Paris mayor who didn’t want to be known as the son of the Paris mayor. The story had so many layers, so I loved reporting it, writing it, and even the very arduous process of editing it, which just so happened to coincide with a long-planned trip to Provence with my Mom. Because that is how these things go.
   Pitched March 2021, ran in August 2021: $1,500

2. Perfect Harmony, AFAR - My second print piece for my favorite travel magazine and one that was assigned prior to travel with expenses covered. I loved meeting with Uri in Israel, eating with Uri in Israel, and then telling his important story to help demystify the ongoing conflict between Arabs and Jews, and the myriad of misinformation there. I could’ve written another 1,000 words here, too. But, ultimately, I’d like more of these types of stories, please!
   Pitched in February 2019, ran in March/April 2020: $1,350

3. How Traveling Alone as a Woman Changed My Life, Travel & Leisure - This one means a lot because a) an editor sought me out and b) I had full-reign to take any direction I wanted on solo travel as a woman. I decided to pull from a trip I took long before I was a working journalist, using handwritten journals from 2001, to capture the feelings of traveling and tie it back to my continued quest for the meaning of home—the subject of my soon-to-be-purchased-by-a-publisher memoir. :)
   Assigned in January 2022, ran in March 2022: $350

4. For the Love of the Game, Airbnb Magazine - Long before the Times ran their piece on the French street artist Invader, I wrote about him and his fans’ devotion thanks to his Pokemon Go-like app “Flash Invaders.” While I do wish it’d gotten as much attention as the recent Times article, and that I’d been able to insert my own travel-to-flash experiences into the feature, I learned so much and met incredible superfans reporting it this way. RIP Airbnb Mag.
   Pitched in December 2017, ran spring 2018: $3,300

5. After an Attack, the Soul of Paris Endures, NYT - Having only been in Paris for a year at this point, I was honored to contribute to this joint piece following the terrorist attacks. It was co-written by many of the city’s established writers and I didn’t know what any of them would write. While I’ve since written longer, reported pieces for The Times, this remains the only one that feels most like me.
   Pitched November 16, 2015, ran November 24, 2015: $500

6. How Chefs at Home Cook with Their Kids at Home, Food & Wine - This was published during the height of the pandemic when stories were going from idea to article before you could finish singing “happy birthday” while washing your hands. So I was proud to have tapped into the zeitgeist thanks to Instagram and to write it up in an engaging manner for an outlet I’d only just started writing for.
   Pitched March 18, 2020, ran March 30, 2020: $500

7. Côte de Colagreco, Hemispheres - I’ve been writing for United Airlines’ Hemi since I went freelance and while I’ve yet to land a big beefy feature, or their trademark cover story “Three Perfect Days,” I love the editors there and hope to continue fostering that relationship. Similar to the AFAR piece, I’d like to do lengthier versions of these personality profiles where readers are brought along for the ride with me and the subject. Also, A++ for the headline.
   Pitched in September 2021, ran April 2022: $500

8. Traveling Alone at 37 Changed How I Felt About My Gray Hair, Allure - Not only was it gratifying to take two seemingly separate topics and tie them together—gray hair and a night out in Vietnam—but I got to repurpose an essay I pulled from another publication due to the editor mainsplaining me and completely butchering my voice. (To this day, he’s the worst I’ve ever worked with and I’ve never pulled another assigned, halfway-written piece.) This version truly represents my funny, hopefully endearing, and slightly self-deprecating self.
   Pitched “on spec” (already written) March 6, 2018, ran March 21, 2018: $300

9. What’s the True Cost of a Breakup?, Money - I’d workshopped this essay in a writing course many years before I finally sold it to Money thanks to an editor who has now become a friend. I can’t say it’s an outlet I read or write for often, but working with her was a dream and it’s another piece of writing I’m proud to share. The longer version will hopefully appear in the book one day.
   Pitched “on spec” July 10, 2019, ran July 30, 2019: $350

10. Beyond the Chateaux, British Airways’ High Life - I’m especially proud of this post-pandemic print piece because it’s another one I pitched after I traveled, which can sometimes make it difficult to capture site-specific details if not constantly taking notes. (Though, I almost always am — mental and otherwise. What even is a vacation?) It represents my ideal feature: a narrative with both personal storytelling and service elements that both engage and assist the reader.
    Pitched in July 2020, ran in fall, 2020: £550/$690

And there you have it! When I set out to compile this list, I thought it’d be difficult to find 10 favorites. But, in fact, there were about 15. I suppose there’s a lesson to be learned there in giving oneself more credit. Still, please sir can I have some more? :)

First, though: Dayenu…and then let’s part that motherfucking Red Sea to see what I can make of the next 10 years. (Sorry for cursing, Mom.)

Rearranging my career “values” list as I assess what’s most important to me going forward. I’ve since narrowed it down to 10 cards!

Thanks for all your support, friends. I’m still working through what else to do with this letter—if anything—but it’s gratifying and comforting to know you’re all out there on the other end either way.

See you in two weeks with more burrito intel and how it’s going in SF. xx — Sara

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Clickable

• Idyllic islands—sans cars—in Europe. | (Me for) AFAR

• In its final season, Succession can finally succeed. | The New Yorker 

• Moms still have to choose between parental work and work-work. | The Cut

• Writers second-guess their profession because the system is broken. | Esquire  

• All hail the Big Ass Salad. | Grub Street

• “In an influencer’s life, everything is for sale—including the kids.” | Aeon

• Grieving for an organ that’s given nothing but pain. | The New Yorker

• By pursuing novelty, we may sacrifice things we already love. | The Atlantic 

• Life after influencing: “no comments section at an office job.” | The NY Times

• Over-the-top Swiftiedom on Cornelia Street. | Vulture

• See? I’m not alone in wanting to perfect my burrito order. | Eater

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Watchable

My love for Brett Goldstein was solidified after watching this video and hearing him ask, “Why isn’t it called ‘hand ball’?” regarding American football. I’ve definitely said these exact words in my life so obviously we’re soulmates. Now, if only he’d *also* swipe right on the dating app Raya that I just saw him on. Why is his voice extra husky in this season of Ted Lasso, though? I much prefer his natural hunky octave.

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Currently Overthinking…

…how much of my freelancing journey (*cringe*, *eyeroll*, *mouth vomit*) to share…

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Souvenir: McDo Glassware

I’ve been happening upon a ton of Everything Stores here in SF. You know the ones: Stores that have quirky cards, indie cookbooks, expensive candles, and beaded earrings. Everything you love but don’t need. Concept shops, I guess. In one of them, there was a display of glassware featuring lovely illustrations from Catstudio, a company based in nearby Petaluma. I took one look at the colorful tumblers and was immediately transported to my childhood when I force-drank OJ out of one from McDonald’s featuring Ronald, Grimace, or the Hamburgler. (I hated OJ. Still kinda do.) Who else had one of these? And what happened to those characters?